Thanks for reading! New story is in development.

(Chapters 1-4 are 1920x1080. Chapters 5 and beyond are available in 4K on my Deviantart and Patreon.)

https://www.deviantart.com/sigmagal
https://www.patreon.com/SigmaGalTG

Great job, great translation - thanks for sharing it with the community

waiting for new translations of other works by this great artist, which have not yet been translated

Base +8, lyj9486 +6, poshlivse +6, john1980 -9

Oops, I set the original language to Japanese, didn't I? This is 100% English, my b.

Edit: How do I fix that, what the heck!?

Edit 2: Huh. Apparently it just assumes Japanese until the English tag gets enough thumbs ups.

Base +1, Qwertius +13, asdfoiosadf +6, SAR101 -6, InfinityGeneration +21, dementio +6

This is not only silly as all heck, it revels in it. I love it!

Base +7, tester545 +7, Gorm +7, Lahha +6, kema7 +6, castlebravo +6, qwerty98765 +6, Lolwey +4, saj0043 +4, Afganitia +4, BathLink -6

I hope to have Chinese, my English is not good, it is very hard to read.

Base +6, regime +6, LYX00 +3, expp +6, Yaguix816 +4, InfinityGeneration +21, asheevee +6, TimelessTimes -6, zhd0105 +2

Congrats on uploading it! This is a great story and I wish you the best success!

Base +6

cheest hope some lewdness or chastity gets put into play very good start <3

Base +6, Zoinks -6, yearhyearh +7

Loving this, Well done. Will future chapters appear on e-hentai eventually?

Base +6

~24 hours in 6 chapters..
incredible story density

Base +20, dsgturuhgjhgk +6, Yaguix816 +4

I found I really liked this one due to the humor. And got more invested than I was expecting. I'm sure you got your own plan but here are my four bits of feedback! Accept them, or not!
1. You might make it clear if the protagonist still has their tackle, magic's involved so we can't be sure.
2. If the teacher's got the hots for the protagonist why would she have the mental settings make the protagonist not like girls? Seems like she'd turn that up for just her, or descriptors which would mostly apply to her.
3. Remember to keep characters sympathetic! I haven't read much Forced Fem, but when I have there is kind of a rut it gets into where I'm not invested in the story because all of the characters are really unsympathetic and just generally bastards! So watch out for that.
4. Remember to have driving goals that aren't just "wow they are getting super feminine up in here". Give the protagonist goals to accomplish and how they accomplish those goals changing due to being feminine. That was something else I noticed in forced fem, it was so obsessed with documenting the changes that it forgot to give me a running plot to care about.
Anyway, good luck! It's pretty great so far!

Base +5, asdfoiosadf +6, xanaman +11, escaper +6, ArcherC +6

Man, I'm thrilled by the reception. Thanks peeps.

@Onthorm
IMO chapter 7's the funniest one I've written, so just you wait.

@abcd8652
Aw! You're breaking my heart! I don't have any Chinese connections I'm afraid, but I give full permission to anyone who wants to translate and then upload the released chapters, given that I have no means of doing it. I don't even care if my name's on it.

@massmanic
no u
^(manic convinced me to upload when I was getting cold feet)

@dethklokiller
Lewdness has been plotted. No chastity plotted... Yet...

@Gizellelil
Yes. I'm thinking monthly? Maybe once every two weeks. I release a new chapter each week, but I wouldn't want to spam e-hentai.

@Marius8
I think the first time I skipped a couple of waking hours comes chapter 10.

@Aaaac1
I've been hoping and waiting and praying and dreaming for feedback in this style, not that I can guarantee I'll agree with or follow all the feedback I receive. I should say that Patreon's 3-4 chapters ahead right now, so enacting even the best advice will kinda be delayed for the sake of keeping content in the early access reserves.

1. Good point. Wish I did that earlier. It gets clarified in Chapter 9.
2. Yeah, the main character's sexuality post hairclip is left even more ambiguous than their Schrodinger's dick. I got carried away by my own kinks here thinking "it'd be hottest if it looked like their sexuality would be affected" without considering Foster's own motivations.
3. We're on the same page here. If people end up despising the characters, it won't be for my lack of trying. I personally feel a positive attachment towards all the central characters who've appeared so far in RSE (as of chapter 10), and I've got a few characters prepped and waiting who I suspect will be fan favourites. Like how it takes 8 episodes for Asuka to appear in Evangelion, some of these late comers are gonna be cool as fuck. At this point, I'm worried that there aren't gonna be enough people for the audience to root against!
4. Foster's a bit of an audience surrogate, in that she seems to be into gender bender for the sake of gender bender, though it started with misandry. I feel comfortable with the motivations of all the other central characters at the point of writing this, having published up to chapter 10, in that they drive the story in the direction I want it to go while not being shameless writer conveniences.

I'm glad that the first in-depth feedback I received is smart and pragmatic. That being said, I don't want to make a habit of praising criticism or it'll be obvious that I think a person's critique is shitty when I don't praise it. Thanks for your investment. I hope a longer response to match a longer comment is appropriate.

Last edited on 18 September 2021, 15:46.

Base +1, asdfoiosadf +6, dementio +6, Mocka +20

@SigmaGal
It's always nice to make someone's day. I too have published on the internet and know the struggle of waiting for real feedback so I'll give a bit more. Your writing is solid. Character voice is coming through well, although you might have the protagonist pick up a small verbal tic so they stand out a bit more. The use of humor to both diffuse tension and poke fun at aspects of the story is inspired. Comic composition wise it's always immediately clear what's happening and the action is in focus. (This seems like faint praise, but I know comics that didn't manage that.) The only real visual complaints I have are that some of the character designs are a little visually uninteresting/samey (but it's a school so that scans) and I'm sure at least the protagonist's design is going to get more visually interesting as it goes along. But it's pretty small and since I couldn't figure out how to do it better I can't really criticize.

My advice for feedback (we might be looping ourselves) is to 1. know what you want (themes, conclusion, what you enjoy, etc), 2. know how you get there(character arcs, plot points and details etc.) and 3. know why you do it that way (character, backstory, it's your kink etc.). When you get feedback it's normally about 2, check that feedback against 3. Sometimes people just suggest things that are a better way of doing it. Don't compromise on 1 if you can help it.

To clarify what I meant about 4 in my last comment, a lot of feminization stories have entire plot be the feminization of the protagonist. That often devolves into chapter after chapter of protagonist abuse (although some people do really enjoy that). What I tend to enjoy is to have the plot driven by the feminization. Give the protagonist small victories and some agency so I keep invested in what happens to them. Although that's just the way I like it, and might not be what you are going for. Everyone having a driving goal is pretty great though.

Anyway best of luck! (Yeah it feels weird to leave critique on ehentai. Do something new everyday I guess.) Oh yeah, link your deviantart/patreon

Last edited on 10 September 2021, 23:00.

Base +5, tester545 +7

@Aaaac1

Daphney's personality ended up being blander than I would have wanted. I wish I'd done more to have the creepy/oblivious Declan side of her shine through before any mental changes were made. She's not that memorable. It's fine. Classic protagonist problems. She's actually not gonna be the protagonist for that long, considering how much of the story I have plotted, so I'm not stuck with her forever.

I can only guess which character designs you're talking about, which opens me up to accidentally point at characters you weren't thinking of, as examples of visual blandness. But I don't mind, 'cause I really wanna talk character design and I don't wanna kvetch to Patreon or Deviantart. I am very proud of my girls. I think the colours are strong, they get their character across, and they're simple enough to be memorable and potentially iconic. I want to pinch each of their adorable cheeks and I can't wait to get them in different outfits. The problem is Koikatsu was clearly not built to make diverse boys.

The default male body type edges on having breasts. Muscles? Forgettaboutit! There are <10 reasonable clothing options, and half of those require warping the body hidden beneath to disturbing proportions. Even goddamn hairstyles are a hassle. There are, like, 4 hair options that don't go below the neck, and maybe 10 passable male bangs. They also don't want the mouth being big enough to do anything other than take cute wittle anime girl burger bites. Aaaaaump! I had to paint over mouth stretch marks in most of Declan's renders. And if you want a character to have a thicker manly neck, you can only change the proportions of the bottom half so that it's shaped like a cone. The eyelashes, the large shoulder armpit clipping, the deficiency of pre-made manly animations/poses, the absence of facial or body hair. I wanna build up a cast of men, but they're twice as hard to make and come out looking worse! Wah! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I suspect the descent into protagonist abuse you're talking about is exactly where the current arc is going. I don't think that'll change, but this arc won't last forever, and there'll also be other things going on to the side. Probably 15-20 more chapters. I've got the next couple of arcs loosely plotted and there's gonna be some exciting back and forth conflict. There were 3 explicit goals I had for this arc

1. Actually publish something on the internet.
2. Gain experience, get over the newbie mistakes, and grow quickly in skill.
3. Set up for a bigger story in case this thing ends up being worth continuing.

Oh, uh, and I guess number 4.

4. Sexy.

I'm personally thrilled with how things have gone with regard to those goals. I'm hoping by November we'll be starting the 2nd arc.

Edited the uploader comment to contain the Deviant/Patreon links.

Last edited on 11 September 2021, 02:19.

Base +1, tester545 +7

If you want "her" to come out as a "nice" girl why on Earth would you hard-wire into her brain commands that make her a moronic, braind-dead nymphomaniac?!?

Base +8, Gorm +7, leileis +4, yearhyearh -7

@Juankiman

Shit!

The problem stems from my word choice. Next time I update this I'll probably change "nice girl" into "ditzy girl who can still dress herself in the morning".

Base +2, yearhyearh +7

I think 226-228 is my favorite sequence of panels in the comic so far.

Base +6

@SigmaGal I was actually adressing the horrible misandrist who's effectively ruining the MC's life for no apparent reason, not you, but saying a tomato is a crustacean is less "ditzy" and more "needs to be watered twice a week" territory.

Base +8, Gorm +7, liberius +6, vb4 +7

@SigmaGal Like the story so far. Some stuff seems a little overdone, but overall fun dialogue. I just wonder why the first page shows Daphney being like 4'9" but in the story the MC appears to have only lost maybe 1-2 inches from their male height and is very tall "for a girl". Unless more height shrinking is going to happen later or something.

Base +6, myoxy +10

@Maea
Overdone!? You wouldn't be saying that if I were a powerful transformation wizard!
(Thanks, and you called it. Further transformations to come.)

Last edited on 22 September 2021, 22:24.

Base +2, myoxy +10

Thank you! Loving the story, simply fantastic!

Base +7

Very nice so far. Characters are believable with each person having their own motivation and plans which makes it all playfully erotic since we do not know how "helpful" each of the characters is going to be. That is the key to good writing, keep the reader guessing. Can't wait to see the next batch of pages

Base +6

I did not expect to enjoy this upon first glance. The last few pieces I looked at in this style were... less than fantastic. But I have to say that I am really enjoying this one quite a bit. The premise, though cliche, is handled well. The characters are all surprisingly endearing, just campy enough to mesh perfectly with the campiness of the premise. The "sexy" bits about body change and mind alteration are right on that line of "clever and subtle", only occasionally dipping across into "too much".

All in all, I have to say that I really enjoy what I've read so far and look forward to reading more. Great work!

Base +3, Hikikomori Gamer +6, SnazJazz +6

Holy crap this series is hilarious, and the protagonist is adorable, and the art style is pleasant and not distracting. Keep up the good work :>

Base +6

@linkfai
Graci!

Base +2, yearhyearh +7

Snicker. .. .
MC: I need permission to quietly observe the female students for a month or three.
Other MC: Of course sir just let me call the police.

I'm still wondering how many of the girls at this school were that way to begin with and Miss Forest really isn't giving much thought as to how badly several of those rules of hers can go badly wrong.

Last edited on 03 November 2021, 02:40.

Base +6, keiichii12 +6

I'm really enjoying it so far! :D

Base +9

@SigmaGal
As long as your having fun making the series that's the important thing, learning from the experience is part of life.

Base +6

This story is going a little too far in the brainwashy bits for my tastes, but the writing and characters are interesting enough that I'm gonna stick with it and hope the MC gets some justice in the end.

Base +7, vb4 +7, Kinetic Pulse +7, Mattox33 +6, Lahha +6

@zigpron
Fair enough. I'll save you the trouble and say things aren't going in that direction. Thanks for your interest!

Base +2, biroberts +6, Mattox33 +6

Janice seems nice I think she'd have gotten along with Daphne before her interest in writing was destroyed.

Base +6

Yeah im alright with the tg/tf and the personality changes but it does feel like my girl is not getting any skill to make her stand out it kinda felt bad watching the dude tell her she was basic and essentially not good at anything

Base +7, yuki665 -7

WTF, this should not have such good writing. LOL Some of the jokes are so spot on... no fair.

Base +7, yearhyearh +7, yuki665 -7

In regards to Jun and Foster, their casual disregard for the safety and wellbeing of others doesn't have the same level of sociopathic energy to me, simply due to how fast and loose the entire series feels in regards to its characterizations. Everyone feels exaggerated in some way or another, making the world less grounded and realistic in tone. I know that casting the "NPC"s as blue and pink silhouettes is more of a time-saving measure for your work, but even that element gives the entire piece a certain vibe of unreality and bombast that makes otherwise abhorrent behaviors feel less so.

I wouldn't worry too much about how you've portrayed those two so far. If this were a more mundane and realistic story they would come off as monsters. In this context, though, their exaggerated personality traits feel largely okay. I do think that working towards some sort of "happy end" for the victims of their experimentation would go a long way to make the whole thing wash down a little easier, though.

Base +3, Lahha +6

@Brobam
Noted, but hopefully for some people that's part of the appeal. ...Looking 5 chapters into the future, I think Daphney is given redeeming qualities.

@Celeste
Thank you very much. I've still got a lot of growing to do!

@Sarcastodon
The mixed reactions people have had to J+F definitely spooked me, especially considering I felt I hadn't handled them well, though having just finished writing chapter 24 I've become comfortable with their characterization. It still throws me when people when people label their actions as horrific, but I'm confident enough now to disagree for basically the same reasons you described, and I can't do anything about the early chapters anyways. My take away has been that I should put more work into planning character arcs/behaviour patterns before executing on them, but there will always be some amount of "discovering a character" as each subsequent chapter is written.

I've come to aim for a happy ending, or at least happy in a way.

Base +2, Mattox33 +6, Lahha +6

I spent the whole time reading it gushing over the music references in the chapter titles lol

Base +7

@3is
Nice!

Base +2, Lahha +6

This comic has spoiled me. Read 18 chapters at once, sad i'll never be able to read it first-time again. Excellent.

Base +6, Zarys +6

@rantrave
Ah! That's so nice of you!

Base +3, Mattox33 +6

great work;-)

Base +6

@mel778
no u

Base +3, Mattox33 +6

Pretty good humor! I liked the magic underwear that was giving the MC female anatomy without his knowledge.
At this point though it feels like we are well into Identity Death territory which kinda ends the whole feminization aspect.
If he's not going to struggle with compulsions anymore I'm guessing he's going to be turned into a super lewd slut?

Not much else to do. I vote for returning him to his male persona mid-coitus.

Base +6, Mattox33 +6

I would like a chart with the changes of our main character, im aware that the title has one but i want one from every major change after because i honestly didnt noticed the height change and prolly the last breast change

Base +6, Ciano21 +4

@AnchovySama
You guys keep me motivated! And honestly it's been super fun to make.

@tuais
Ya okay. That sounds like a good idea to me too. I've got all the models still so it won't be too hard. Just gotta get to a point where I'm not pressed for time.

Base +3, Mattox33 +6

Thanks for thr chart, damn daphne sure is small now, and now we are at the "body horror experience", the next chapters are gonna be fun

Base +6, DeltaX +11

What's the point in giving her back her memories if your going to stack the deck this much against her keeping them and effectively murdering who she used to be?

Base +6, xacual +6, neosidoh13 +7, biroberts -6, yearhyearh +8, Dr. Ball +8, Ciano21 +4

I don't understand how Miss Foster intends to crush the patriarchy by creating female airheads.

Base +6, BOYSSSSS +6, Vanilla GB lover +5, yearhyearh -8, Fallen_Prince +6, masterzelda123 +7, Dr. Ball +8, xacual +6, arthurbrown918 +4, Ciano21 +4, Zettai Zetsubo +6

tag:identity death

Base +6, haha23 +6, Jestersage +8, Vanilla GB lover +5, yearhyearh +8, mar-bcrle +6, vb4 +7, Dr. Ball +8, Quatloco +6, Joshiba +7, xacual +6, worldstoned +6, Erbi5001 +14

Oh my god a patreon webcomic that will actually have an end. Our God is a based God.

Base +6, Quatloco +6, yaque +6, Succubus Oneechan +6

The epilogue is yet to come out, but Daphney's story looks more like a prologue to some series, a prologue with a hastened ending.

-- regarding the story so far:

The story was mostly GREAT, I just want to address points that probably come from the story being pretty short or it's plans changed mid-way.

I feel like that enhanced mind control made it too easy. While it was clear to be one-way road, I feel like Daphney should get some time to actually consider and embrace the change herself. Not killed as an identity, but abandoning it herself (tag:feminization).
This part feels like missing to me, because director was shown as arrogant and smart enough to graduate from university. That sort of people either finish their victims ASAP or toy with them, especially for person so interested with psychology. They like to lead their victims to believe that they are making a choice themselves, even if they never needed to make one.

On that assumption, if the director got bored or found another victim, that sort of person ends it quick, since they finished playing. Leaving Daphney on the straight path to identity death (and a single step from it), but not doing so outright (even during face-off to see him panic) does not provide any real fun for the director, does not really sate her thirst for revenge (changing people herself) and is not efficient. If she was a coward, she would need to hesitate, but I failed to notice that. If anything, she is utterly bold and pretty much remorseless(?). Was that supposed to be director tricking herself to believe she actually helped Daphney? If she was disgusted with how easily Daphney was accepting her brainwashing, she could have made Daphney beg for killing her previous identity.

The only thing director did not do was killing Daphney's body, but even if that was an experiment, the director should play around with what was possible to do with her subject. In case she was taking revenge, would it not be more satisfying for her to make Daphney honestly thank her for the transformation, making her realize her life's purpose?

I can understand that the director hates men in general and takes her revenge by turning them in women they supposedly expected her to be, but allowing her vices to lead her choices is at best sloppy even with magic at her disposal. The remaining impression on me is that she is some brat. There are adult people like that, but they often trip themselves because of their shortcomings. Any development of the story involving her could use a complication because of that.

Also, it feels like introduction of resident's succubus dangerous friend should appear later on, unless it has a meaning in the epilogue. Otherwise, it somehow lacks impact. It does show that there are other supernatural beings, but frankly not even the succubus's magic restriction played any meaningful factor in Daphney's story.

-- sequels/spin-offs?

Are characters from this story going to have their cameos in following stories? I do not mean just the aspiring writer girl.

I do not know how it is going to be handled, but regarding the mind control conclusion, what about playing around with the original phrase 'of forgetting the past', which allows Daphney to remember things as disconnected from her? The person she was was killed, but with that she may be useful in other stories off-handedly mentioning all the strange variety of trivia writers do read about when researching topics. The thing is, that she does not remember where or when she heard of it, anyways her attention is elsewhere. It does match a ditzy girl she is now and adds some minor value to the character.

Base +1, Thulia51 +6

Yeah, that was definitely some literature. Foster is, well...

Foster: "I hate the patriarchy and men!"
Foster: "That's why I'll make a self-demonstrating example that girls are only good for serving men as eyecandy and bedwarmers!"

Despite being a high-school story, it feels the MC's takeaway is going to be something like "girls are stupid and it's pointless to send them to school anyway". ISIS approves, I guess?

Somewhere along the way, the initial goal of "get him under the control" was quite lost. I think she's not quite happy how things turned out either, but her attempt in chapter 25...well, I'm not sure even she quite internalizes that no matter the words she or anyone else says there's no defeating the mind control implant?

Aside: I think the MC being bad at sports is a consequence of "suck at academics" rule?

Jun's statement of "Isn't this going too far?" on the brainzapping Foster does is kind of interesting moment, since she later turns out and finds Foster is uncomfortable with the "statuary". "Too far" implies either incompatibility with the goal or moral objection. For the first, it's one of oh-so-many things indicating this isn't just an experiment to see how far the brainwashing can go.

For the second,, well. given chapter 5, we know Jun can and will lie to Foster even without "ghostly encouragement", newbie vibe or not. NTR'd by your own pet succubus, what are the odds? I feel like there was a missed opportunity with that not being developed further - even after that scene, her interaction with the MC was relatively impersonal. I did get the impression that was not what she wanted, but she never did anything about that.

Anyway, if there's one thing I like about the story it's how it manages to keep introducing new and distinct characters. Usually, I'd expect the story to kinda just skip over all the cast not "in" on the character, one way or another. They're genuinely just interested in hanging out as normal friends, maybe even more...And Daphney wont answer how she got into school, whether she has any family, how she has food on table, etc. The "90% red flags" may have been lost but this would be a new red flag raised.

Not that it matters; now all is left for Foster to introduce Daphney to new man she'll be serving as housewife in the epilogue....expect she doesn't have any cooking, cleaning or other skills for that, heehee. Well, at least the stroke-clip frying Delcan's brain whenever something is attempted to be answered is off and the brain is malleable for learning new things, as long as they're not academic or non-girly.

(What? Foster doesn't want to do that? But she's doing it so well!)

Base +19

This was fun. I look forward to more insanity.

Base +7

They have no idea how extensive her actions have been do they .. .

Base +6

Frankly, this epilogue is MUCH better than it's preceding chapter! It leaves a better impression, but still does not explain enough.

-- main problem
Especially for Foster, given everything she did her actions severely lack consistency. So far I am convinced that she is a deranged at best. What she did was essentially visiting a grave of her victim asking if they are happy. What she expected to hear from a corpse was beyond me, at best I see her having tendency for a brief late guilt after effectively killing somebody. She should be aware that she basically orchestrated delayed execution, since she planned all steps and knew that Daphney will be unable to effectively resist (both emotionally and physically) a man making move on her. It just looks like Foster set up her student (MC) to become a victim of murder-rape, which is not exactly a satisfying conclusion for me.

I have no issue with transition of MC to Daphney itself, even with 'assistance' provided. I really loved how the story started, humour and development for the most part with all the school integration, introduction of the lively cast and their issues. The only qualms I have is they way it was cut short, because it breaks away from the earlier tone and MC's Daphneysation by straight killing him, not accepting Daphney's way of living out of his own volition without conditioning kicking in. The problem of deletorious changes to Daphney, which are against the very premise of school institution and supposed professionalism drive that was the reason Foster felt offended by chauvinistic collegues in the first place feels much less important here.

-- overall summary
One of my favorite stories.
There is a lot of unused potential in this story (which I feel could easily double it's content just to touch all MC/Daphney's matters), hopefully the sequel(s?) will make more use of what this story laid out for them.
Anyways, looking towards the sequel and hoping to see all the cast again!

Base +1, Mattox33 +6, mar-bcrle +6, Dr. Ball +8

Ohh wow an actual conclusion! That's kinda rare on these. Nice job creating a complete narrative!

Base +6

Hello author, I really like your work, and I am really looking forward to your updates

Base +6

Yeah, this is some pretty nice work! It's a bit quirky, but fun and enjoyable! I'm very much looking forward to your future releases!

Thank you SigmaGal!

Base +7

I apologize in advance for my google translate.

History had a huge potential, but, unfortunately, it could not really use it.

The main problem of the work lies in the choice of such a harmless character for the main role, whose fate one can only sympathize with and whose image is completely inconsistent with the motives of Foster. Not only has Declan been an outcast for society and his parents since childhood, he also ends up in the hands of a psychopath who deletes his personality without any regret. What is this story about? About a villain who first plays with his prey, and then ruthlessly kills? This doesn't make any sense. Declan was not given even the slightest chance, and in the end, Foster did a dance at his grave. This is the first time I've read such an evil story. It is a pity for the main character, who least of all deserved such a fate. If Foster wanted to exact her revenge on men who belittled women, then she had to choose the right victim who really deserved it, and not a failed writer. Writer? Is this a male profession in which women are belittled? If Foster had chosen the right target, then turning a pompous and arrogant man into a stupid little girl would make sense. But if the author nevertheless decided to present Declan as a malleable loser, then Foster, on the contrary, had to help him (and in the first chapters a certain interest in his personality was noticeable). What kind of help? Foster had to endow Declan with those qualities that would help him in life. Having become a resourceful and self-confident girl, Daphne could show by her example that women deserve more. Then the final choice would have made sense: to remain an outcast that no one needs, or to accept new qualities and change your life for the better? However, what's done is done. It's really hard for me to realize that this story has not become something more. For several nights I thought about why it turned out what happened, because the idea is really worthy of attention. In fact, work can still be corrected, since there is magic in history, but I think no one is interested in my couch opinion. I feel like narration needs to be continued in the form of a story about how Foster finds out about Declan's difficult past and realizes the mistake she made. In parallel with correcting the error, you can start a new experiment, but with a victim who really deserves it. By the way, the same applies to the school security guard. What did he do to deserve such treatment? Just because he's a man? It's kind of stupid and pointless, and only says that Foster and the succubus are no better than the men they hate.

Among other things, the transformation is too fast, because of which the internal conflict is lost. Each change needed to be given much more attention, while adding an element of psychology.

Last edited on 27 December 2022, 07:15.

Base +1

>0 sexual scenes between the main character and miss Foster
My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined. The author is a very bad person

Base +6