First time translating an entire R18 doujinshi. I only went for the text bubbles this time, I hope you enjoy it!

RAW: /g/2994441/5155fa8243/

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Thanks for the share. Great doujin.

Base +6

Tagging rough tl:

03
OG:し...死ぬほど...疲れてる...倒れそう
TL:I... feel like I'm dying... I'm going to collapse
ED:死ぬほど doesn't mean feeling like dying.

06
OG:意外と壁薄いんだな
TL:The walls here are quite thin.
ED:Missing 意外と

07
OG:スケジュールでも確認しておこう...
TL:Let's check the schedule...
ED:Missing でも

10
OG:っていうか髪くらい自分で乾かしてください...
TL:Or rather, dry your own hair in your room...
ED:Missing くらい

11
OG:トップアイドルへの道はまだまだ遠いですよ
TL:The road to become a top idol is still far away.
ED:は isn't just "is". Not getting it right makes this entire sentence nonsensical.

11
OG:ぜ...全然起きない...!
TL:Th...There's no way this is happening...!
ED:"She isn't waking up"

12
OG:ったくもうー とりあえずベッドに
TL:Good grief... Fine, you'll have to sleep here for now...
ED:"I'll lay you down on the bed for now."

12
OG:か...かっる...もっと食べてくれないと
TL:So... light... please eat more...
ED:"ないと" doesn't translate to please.

15
OG:プロデューサーは私のこと...好きでしょう
TL:Producer, tell me... do you like me?
ED:She isn't asking him if he "likes" her. She's positive about it.

15
OG:わたしも...プロデューサーのこと好きだよ
TL:Me too... I like producer...
ED:"Love"

18
OG:ふふ...気持ちいね...キスに...夢中だね...
TL:Fufu... that felt so good... I might get addicted to kissing...
ED:夢中 doesn't mean getting addicted to something.

18
OG:あっ...脱がされちゃう...えっち...わたしのおっぱい見たいんだ
TL:Ah... Going to take my clothes off... Perv... You want to see my breasts
ED:"You're taking my clothes off"

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@cybeast93
(to be honest how to @ others? I have to type the name letter by letter)

夢中 has two meanings: "get addicted to" and "in dream". Personally I think the translator get it right, for it's somewhat grammatically problematic if you translate it as "in dream".

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Vanilla & small breast. ♥️

Base +6, Graythor5 +6

@Fmlf7

My impression is that 夢中 is closer to being completely absorbed in something, rather than addicted to something. It’s a subtle difference, so let me use a couple of examples.

Let’s say you’re reading a book. It’s interesting, but not *that* interesting, so you only get through maybe 20 pages a day. However, as you reach the climax, you suddenly find yourself REALLY into it. You read 100 pages in one go. After that, you’re back to 20 pages a day as you work through the conclusion. That 100 page day is 夢中, where you’re completely into it. It’s so good, you’re in a dreamlike trance, where the ‘real’ world falls into the background. (AKA the connection to the other definition of 夢中, ‘within a dream’.)

Now let’s say you get obsessed with Harry Potter. You start knocking out a book a week. Once you finish the books, you start spending your free time reading fan theories, lore, everything about the world online. This is addicted to it. The difference is it becomes a regular thing, not a one-off like 夢中. (Maybe 沼落ち instead?)

Back to this doujinshi. In Japanese, she’s roughly saying they really lost themselves into kissing. ‘Might get addicted to kissing’ is a near translation that’s slightly off. The good thing is that it reflects that the passionate kissing was VERY enjoyable for them. The bad thing is that it loses the intensity (‘might’ softens it too much), changes the meaning from ‘completely absorbed into it’ more towards ‘enjoyed it a lot’, and adds hope that it will happen regularly. Minor stuff, but slightly off.

And that’s basically the biggest issue with this whole translation. It gets the gist across, but there’s a lot of minor stuff that’s slightly off.

Edit: I wasn’t sure whether to mention this or not, but why not? One other issue with that line is that it shifts Hiro’s dialogue to be focused on her own desires instead of her Producer’s. She teases him a LOT by playing up his wants and desires, while playing a bit coy about her own. She definitely wants to be the pursued, not the pursuer.

Last edited on 18 August 2024, 17:02.

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