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[GabrielLM180] New recruits

Misc
Posted:2023-03-25 17:32
Parent:None
Visible:Yes
Language:English  
File Size:100.1 MiB
Length:128 pages
Favorited:123 times
Rating:
37
Average: 3.83

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Posted on 25 March 2023, 17:32 by:   gabrielLM180A    PM
Uploader Comment
Well, here it is, the public story of the month, sorry for keeping you waiting, but now you can enjoy this story, the premise is simple, an agent infiltrates an enemy base without knowing the fate that awaits her... I hope like it!

Remember that if you want to see the stories a month before publication and without censorship, you can support me on one of these platforms:
FANBOX: https://gabriellm180.fanbox.cc/
PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/gabrielLM180

If you have an idea to offer or want to talk about the stories, there is also a discord for you to do so!
DISCORD: https://discord.gg/Adnq97sGtz
Posted on 26 March 2023, 02:23 by:   Imocla    PM
Score +15
In page 57 she says that "Something entered my pussy and my vagina...!" I assume one of them should be ass/butt, ass/butthole, or anus. Also using "my" the second time is redundant and could be removed to flow better. The next line says "It's huge!". While it's not wrong, in the previous line she was talking about 2 things (I assumed previously.) now is referring to one. Which one? This is a slight inconsistency I only pointed out since it was on the page with the others.
Page 61 What are her "two needles"?
Page 63 "Don't let the pleasure win you!" You can drop "you" to sound better.
Page 67 and 68 seem to be in reverse order.
Page 111 "I will gladly be a loyal and total Cherry sister." I'm not sure what total is for. Is there a not total Cherry sister? It sounds like it is mixing what they be (loyal) with them saying they will submit to complete the process. Taking out the "and total" and maybe adding it as a separate sentence would sound smoother.
Page 121 Second "sister" should be plural. Might also put "the" before "Cherry".

I really didn't start checking things until the error in page 57 so their might be things before then. I like the contribution but you might want to get a English speaking editor or pay closer attention to captions. I'm assuming the author isn't a native English speaker.
Posted on 28 March 2023, 04:45 by:   gabrielLM180A    PM
Score +8
Oh my god, I didn't think there are so many errors, thanks for the feedback, no, I'm not a native English speaker so sometimes it's hard for me, I'll try to be more attentive in the future

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