Raw : /g/1081539/5472f0d582/ {Thx to Dynellen}
Korean Translation : /g/1085368/157db82f60/ {Thx to Team Edge}

TLed by me, an amateur translator.

Edit : Thank you for telling me your suggestions and my mistakes, ixlone. I fixed some pages. If there's still any errors in my work, please tell me so I can fix it asap.

Losing your virginity doesn't automatically make your life better. Unless you're the 1 in 10th person who gains confidence and start chasing women more proactively.

Base +3, nazaret +10, Sturmjager +11, Leo Showtopper +8, Lostalgia +6, oneiwonder +7, plaquebringer +6, Warbob500 +7, Phacteria +5, Obsucurus +8, lymasa -6, Elgatto12345 +2, fiestyferret +3, and 4 more...

She makes him fill up the bottle with his cream, LOL! Nice translation, well done.

Base +28, Bobangock -6, Lostalgia +6, Ooe Kintarou +11

S O F T A N D T H I C K

Thanks for more mosu fam.

Base +7, Lostalgia +6, riwamixer99 +11, donek +6, Ooe Kintarou +11, AnimeLUZ +10, iiToxic +7, hujkl +14, lymasa +6, MegaChilcott +9, Ost666 +6, Anon323 +11, rockarolla +6, and 10 more...

One of the many methods to solving that declining birth rate... Even if you gotta rely on a succubi association...

Base +23, as102 +9, letoplel +17, Lostalgia +6, darklord1235 +8, oneiwonder +7, Machiga +7, Ooe Kintarou +11, Ost666 +6, MegaChilcott +9, Cmdrtimbt +5, BaconBuddha +6, Chilean_Guy +6

My advice would be to find a native English speaker to work with you and fix your grammar up. There's a lot of redundant wording, tense agreements that don't match, and just generally bad grammar in most of your releases that I've noticed.

Is a shame when you put the effort in to translate it for everyone and then have the easy part - the English - in need of work.

And I do mean this as constructive criticism. I'm not berating you and your efforts.

Base +16, Bobangock +6, Phacteria +5, Lostalgia +6, Machiga +7, rawrdood +7, Ashvinoth +6

Literal semen demon.

Base +6, Lostalgia +6, oneiwonder +7, hujkl +14, barbudinho +9, Kona-chan +7, fiestyferret +3, tadpolegaming +5, LanSOADer +8

You can tell this was supposed to be Satania. The artist just loves her.

Base +6, jakeree96 +7, Healf Walker +5, letoplel +17, Anon323 +10, Lostalgia +6, darklord1235 +8, Himajin Breaker +6, Ooe Kintarou +11, fidazzle +8, k_2553472 +1, iiToxic +7, EnderCarrot +6, and 20 more...

He must cum (5ml per time) at least 100 time to full that bottle... lol

Base +8, Lostalgia +6, oneiwonder +7, Ooe Kintarou +11, tadpolegaming +5

You should've used the entire script I sent. This is still pretty clunky in places :(

Edit: Actually, after having found some time to read it properly it seems you didn't use much of it - not that I can check cos I didn't save a copy. The awkward wording is still there, as is the bad flow between dialogue bubbles. You should've just used the script I sent you >_>

I guess it's understandable that having someone edit your script and it not matching the translation you have in your mind can probably seem a bit weird. And I can very well imagine that your first thought is to go with your own version because it seems more right to you.

Ugh... I can't word this next part without sounding like a total dick. So forgive me if it comes off that way!

Let me just get this out of the way; I'm nowhere near as good as you at translating. My skill level is pretty damn low. However - and this is just an example, from an editing point of view you don't need to translate 違う to "you've got it wrong" every time. Other things will work and not sound so derpy. I often see people insist on はい must mean "yes" every time they use it. When "okay" or some other synonym would be more suited to the actual scene. Yeah, sure, literally it's correct. But wouldn't something else read better and actually make more sense when you take it all in?

I guess my advice would be to edit the text as whole thing. Not on a bubble by bubble basis as you seem to be doing. Cos you are left with a really wonky reading set of bubbles that don't really flow into each other and it comes off as just... wrong.

And again, I do mean this as constructive criticism. Sorry :(

Last edited on 25 September 2017, 05:45 UTC.

Base +16, Phacteria +5, Devindor +6, InsaneValkyrie +6, Watari-kun +8, Kona-chan +7, BaconBuddha +6, Ost666 +6, norieelys +6, HeavHo +9, tadpolegaming +5