April arrived in the empty classroom Lauren had texted her about. Nothing out of the ordinary, they ditched and hung out in empty rooms on the regular. Once April arrived, she noticed something very, VERY out the ordinary! Lauren seemed to enjoy it though, and was very eager to share her special something with April~

Base +3, carb21 +12, DemHunt +9

Aw, you don't see the second girl's cock growing, nor do you really see a reaction from it. It just kind of happens.

Base +6, Canis_Crazy +6, F-O-X +7, V972 +4, Clone26 +5

It's good

Base +5, DemHunt +9

Constructive criticism: 1) Don't spend 4-5 panels just showing different camera angles. Maybe 1-2 is fine, but you do it for almost every position change. It makes it too slow and filled with too much fluff. The perfect example is Pages 14-27. All of them are her "about to put it in". Page 28 she puts it in. That's almost 1/2 of the current image progress of her "about to put it in". That's WAY too much.
2) Try making it so you can see the dick grow as kingofptw said. It would take place of some of the filler and fir the "dick growth" a little bit better imo. This is completely up to you, but people who search for the tag "dick growth" are more likely to be looking for it actually growing rather than it appearing.
3) Showing a bit more of the cumshots as multiple frames and maybe more "visible" I guess? Don't do it where it just shows it from a few angles; show the shot as it's about to start, as it goes, both girls' faces and then as it drips or ends or what have you. Don't overdo it though, unless there's about to be a literal gallon of cum on the victim.This one is more of a personal taste, but a good cumshot scene is enjoyed by many.
4) The scene change when the skirt is removed between pages 13 and 14 moves too fast. You could replace a few of the different angles with shots where she's pushing her up to the desk and then removing the skirt/panties. Basically the polar opposite of #1. So work on the pacing. Having it say there's 93 images gets me excited but when there's 7 images of different angles for the same instance, it really puts a damper on it.

Other than this I can't really find any other non-(heavily) biased criticisms offhand and I'm tired AF, so I'll leave it there, go back to it, and fap myself to sleep.

Edit: I'd like to give more details on the pacing vs different camera angles. Sometimes it works out well and you can milk out a good progression from it. Going from Page 9 to 13 shows a good "story" all from the same exact shot. If you were to cut out pages 10 and 11, you'd have 3 pages using the same shot but all giving different information and not fluffing the story so much. Alternatively, you could just take April's eyes in page 11 and make them look to her left more to "sense" the hand coming and skip page 12, making 4 pages instead of 5, but now we can see April knows that there's a hand reaching towards her. This way, you've milked out 4 pages from the same shot with one difference and only lost 1 page.

Base +6, Miko Neko +7, CelestialNightmare +6, kenry +6, Clanofgators +6, F-O-X +7, AnonimousFan +6, Clone26 +5, Blaze Viper +6, rambo voller +8

Thank you for your criticism Tess! I read through it, and you're completely spot on. Looking back, I can see how much fluff there was. I'm surprised I didn't cut it down a LOT more, since I hate fluffed, non concise things. As for the dick growth and cumshots, you're right on those too. They definitely could've been shown in more detail, especially given the length of the gallery.

I definitely need more feedback like yours so I can continue to improve! I hope, if I make more things like this, I can use your criticisms to make it better!

Base +3, Clanofgators +6, F-O-X +7, Mekoruu +11, Lurking Ankletaker +5

Of all the females I've ever been intimate with, NONE have ever had a bad case of ahegao like these two have, and I've been with my share of strange women.. If I was with a woman that had her tongue sticking out as much as these two do, I'd think there was something wrong in her head., and I'd return her to whence she came. I'm not a big fan of that particular fetish..... just sayin'.

Base +6, Egman007 -6

Thanks for the feedback, redeye! I try to keep my faces from crossing the line between sexy and goofy, and this may've been a little further than I intended. I'll keep an eye on that next time!

Base +3

Regarding the camera angles; The POV shots are lovely :>

Base +6

while hot, most of my issues have been aired out already by the others. which leaves me with only one thing to point out, the lack of dialogue. in my mind, most of the aforementioned issues could be fixed or overlooked, by adding the correct dialogue to those moments. the lack there of also breaks the immersion, and thus in my mind, detracts from the experience.

all in all, i would classify this as a pre-vis to a project. a solid foundation, but far from being the finished product.

but again, that is just my opinion. i'm a writer, so my area of expertise is words on a page. i can barely draw a decent stick figure. so i don't really have much grounds to base my opinions on. still, decent work, and if you ever add dialogue to this, i will be glad to come back and give it another look, see if that fixes my issues with this archive.

Base +7