I can't say anything about the quality/accuracy of your translation, but I can give you some feedback on your edting. You avoided the popular mistake of using e-hentai's downscaled 1280px res images for editing. Good job on that. Your editing can use some polishing, but I don't want to wash my eyes with sulfuric acid either to unsee it. So it's a solid first try.
If you want to improve your editing skills, I can recommend you this typesetting guide: https://www.insidescanlation.com/etc/the-idiots-guide-to-editing-manga/guide/main. For more guides visit the "Cove of Scanlators" on the forums. For fonts check dafont.com they have a great variety of good and free fonts. You can also grab some of blambots free fonts at blambot.com. Or just google "free fonts" .
While I am grateful for the quality of the images themselves, I really do recommend finding a proofreader for grammatical errors. If you want I've got free time inbetween waiting for my circle to upload our rough draft for our next upload so I would be willing to even do a look-over for you if you want to PM me a file with the script to correct via the forums.