I've had this sitting in my collection for a few months after I'd downloaded the raw by mistake, found a script online and lazily smashed them together. This was a private edit I did just for the fun of it but after seeing the other gallery and realising there wasn't a full release I decided it was my duty to share it with you all.

It wasn't too presentable at first so I've given it a good cleanup and redrawn the bubbles, it's been a while since I did any editing or typesetting so if it looks bad then that's probably why, so my apologies but I had a lot of fun editing it up to scratch this week anyway.

I also localised the script to my liking, including the occasional extended dialogue that wasn't present in Ero's translation (naughty I know, but I don't think its too much), feel free to compare the script here (https://pastebin.com/ZhfL61k6). I wouldn't want EroTranslations getting shit for any adjustments I made. I'm also British not American, so if it reads weird for you that might also be why.

Either way I hope you boys and girls enjoy jacking and jilling your way through this one.
And thanks to torenz for their work and inadvertently bringing this to my attention, so you also have him/her to thank for this upload.

Hope we see more from this series, love the 2 chapters we've got so far.

Oh and I made the daughter say "yay daddy" because "Yippe" didn't sit right with me, plus she seems like a cutesy daddies girl given her appearance despite apparently being similar in age to Tomoe. And everything else I tried was way too northern slang.

乇乂丅尺卂 丅卄工匚匚

Base +6, Lostalgia +9, Nitramy +6, LanSOADer +6, Findmeanaxe +7, fuckknuckles +7, yutshu +6, SavageBlowJob +7, pihip +6, as102 +10, DJKaziq +5, firedragon89 +14, A_Taco_Stand +6, and 12 more...

High pay to bang super horny cuties? WHY EVEN LIVE!?!?

With that said looking forward to the C97 threesome.

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"TN: 'Oh my' is 'Ara Ara' in Onee-sanese"
My fucking sides!

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There is a part 3 coming in C97 with both girls!!! and thank you very much for your time and effort, really appreciate it.

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>I also localised the script to my liking, including the occasional extended dialogue that wasn't present in Ero's translation
So a rewrite? Should it be tagged as such?

While the previous gallery was "First ever attempt to translation. Beginner level Jap, mostly machine translated the Jap raw, and also Chinese + Korean for difficult dialogs."
I'll still be hoping somebody actually translates this, or uses EroTranslations untouched script. Thanks anyway, you were very clear in your description and sound like a nice fellow.

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thank you very much for the effort.

Base +10, CelestialNTR +6, bob1909bob +6

Good job, appreciate your effort!

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HOLY FUCK YES !!
Thank YOU! @mosesking

I didn't want to ruin the translation any further, only hoped a savior like you would come along!

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I'm glad you guys like it, I was expecting to get slammed for my editing skills tbh haha.

@torenz It's all thanks to you, had I not seen your upload I'd have never remembered I had this stashed away on my super secret hhd (hentai hard drive).

@Jacen47 I mean I just had to, I felt weird having it there in only one instance of Japanese, aside from Oji-sama, so I felt a little note would be best as many have grown accustomed to seeing "ara ara" in tl's over recent years. Glad you got a giggle out of it.

@B1u3z I wouldn't call it a rewrite, I only made very minor changes, the script seemed like it was intentionally literal for the purpose of understanding. So things like "semen" and "testicles" I changed to "cum" and "balls", or I may have used terms unfamiliar to American English speakers, that's the sort of thing I meant by localised.

As for the extended bit, I don't think I changed the original meaning of any of the dialogue, just sometimes added more descriptors or related phrases. Like on page 8 she says "go ahead, let it out" and I added "I wanna taste it" cos she's aiming at her mouth and in the next page she's chugging it down. Or on page 7 of the script she says "So delicious" but I changed it to "Your dick is sho yummy, ish dewicious" due to the fact she's got her mouth full. (I could have used only yummy or dewicious since she says a gagged "Oishidesu ne", but I went with both)

So I personally don't think the original meaning is lost from Ero's translation, if that was your concern I'd say it's safe for you to enjoy this one while you wait. I just know some people are super opposed to any alterations or additions, no matter how slight they may be. Which is why I though it best to mention it in the description as to not upset anybody.

But either way, I appreciate your feedback, everyones feedback, and the compliment, thank you.

Hopefully this helps clear up any confusion I might have caused with such a statement.

I really hope we see much, much more from kurosu gatari
And as always, Happy fapping

Last edited on 12 December 2019, 23:16 UTC.

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Someone does a MATH on her actual age XD

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Thanks for doujin Original Translation

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Raw (Jap): /g/1341589/bb54a4801e/
Chinese: /g/1434042/a408f7227e/
Korean: /g/1341971/c1831a598c/
Spanish: /g/1533840/f728657be9/

Part 2: /g/1500565/9d33272580/

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I think it's better than part 2

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Part 1 in English: /g/1532197/7c90488d9a/
Part 2 in English: /g/1500565/9d33272580/
Part 3 in Egnish: /g/1619227/363a652022/

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