Artist Links:
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4409499
https://gumroad.com/ojipooo
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/maririn/
https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/6057870
https://maririn.booth.pm/
https://twitter.com/ojipooo

I do really want to enjoy this comic/manga, but man the story drags out. Coming with new issues to inmediatly solve them... And, even if I don't aprove Jonathan's behaviour, I have to side with him, I understand his anger and I think he has all the right to hate his family, It doesn't really help that the story treats Tobias like the ultimate dom sex lord with a warm Hearts that always wins, everyone loves and adores.

I do really think Maririn is a good artists, but she isn't really a good writer, mainly because she sticks too hard to the clichés of the gente, the ones that most women use, the only difference is that she draws Bara.

I don't want to come as a hater, I love her work. But, I strongly think she can do much much better with more focus and a bit more story structure.

Last edited on 29 April 2020, 02:18 UTC.

Base +1, The Pacifist +20, Shouta Hamasaki -6, shunkaha +6, bananaguy93 +5, GreenRyujin +6

(&)^^%^_(*&_&&*)_*%$_+&

Last edited on 30 April 2020, 00:30 UTC.

Base +2, Batty4588 +2, shunkaha -6, hekylljekyll -6, darkazma -7, nastyoshea -5, Strikerman -6

I do understand your point of view. I think that Maririn had good concepts and good intentions, but the execution is where is lacking. Please, let me explain.

First, you say it's a story about gay couples getting kids and the reaction that causes in the family. Honestly, that's not true. Again, that was the intention, but the execution says otherwise.
Jhonatan is not homophofic (even if he acts like one), he hates Tobias and anything related to him because he got all the attention from their parents, even though he worked hard to be a worthy inheritor of the family. AKA, make his parents proud. He would have hated Tobias anything is that resulted un what we saw, their parents being neglectful and uncaring.

Second, the bullying has now consecuences for the protagonist (yes, we have only one, Tobias, more of that later). Once the kids start mistreating them, Tobias beated them. Easy. Actually, the only one who suffered from bullying was Jhonatan. Let's consider that Tobias, even though he could defend himself with issues (because he is the handsome dom) he was the one being nursed by his parents. Meanwhile, Jhonatan was told to "man up" and deal with It, even though he needed as much support as Tobias.

Third, the story is not about a couple getting a kid, is a bout a handsome dominant rich man wanting to be a father along with his mate. Derrick is, for the most part, a completly passive character, he doesn't drive the story un any way nor his action have any consecuences, his role in the story is to follow his handsome dom. Tobias decided to hace a kid, Tobias has the family issues, Tobias chose Elias. And It wouldn't be so fine ig Tobias actually had struggles, but he just has one, Jhonatan. After that he was born in a Golden cradle, fed with a silver spoon and granted a good wife.

Fourth, you can Skip either the sex or the story and nothing changes, but aspects are completly paralel events. Yeah, even Derrick's tattoo meant nothing. No, actually It damages rhe character even more. Instead of a sign of true love and dedication, it's located in a zone to basically say "I'm owned by Tobias because he is a handsome dom with a huge dick". It could has been in his navel, to represent being equals, on his heart because he always has Tobias in his heart. But, the sex scene goes out of its way to show how passive Derrick as a character is and reinforces that the story ks about Tobias and Tobías is the best because he is a dom, because that tattoo represents that, even is the dialogue says otherwise.

Fifht, none of the other characters is relevante to the story, only Tobias' father and Jhonatan, gives nothing to the story. I mean, their only contribution is to tell us things about the protagonist and his girlfriend.

Six... I would really prefer if the story is about Jhonatan. He has real struggles, he has the conflictive feelings, he suffers consecuences, he has struggles. And his storyline is just as relevant nowadays.

Seventh. This story may end with incest, with Jhonatan and Derrick fucking Elías. And why i think that? Well, first, the extra art, second, Derrick is a ver sub (meaning that he tops), but Tobías is a top. So, yeah, both of them are gonna fuck Tobias. And yes, he will be a sub because he is the smallest. And there is another example of sex ruining characters. Now Derrick is a vers whose needs to top are probably never met, and a story about two father raising a child is twisted into gay dads turn his boy gay and fuck him.
This one is for last because it's just me guessing that sex scene will happend.

Like I said at the beginning, Maririn has good ideas and good intentions ans i repects her as an artist. But, she lacks focus and applies cliches without thinking about the implications, rushes through the story and sex because she needs the time for story and sex, so both aspects of the story fight for attention while not wanting to do anything with each other.

She can make great things, and she needs focus and work on linking sex and story.

This comic/manga is ok. I'm sorry, really, but, I cannot it's good if I have to skip the story or sex to get the best out of It, because that means half of the work is a waste of time.

I'm not and artist, but I'm a writer. And I'm trying my best to Showcase the mistakes and say what she needs to get better.

Base +1, shunkaha +6, TheHottest +11, nastyoshea +5, GreenRyujin +6

This comic is too Mary Sue to make me feel comfortable. Guess it's my fault to have brain while reading sex comics.

Base +6

we're literally out here writing essays about gay furry porn

Base +6, Jay Schluster +6, nastyoshea +5, bananaguy93 +5, Strikerman +6, silvisakeru +6

can't blame his brother for his behavior, i've been where he's at

Last edited on 03 May 2020, 09:25 UTC.

Base +7, GreenRyujin +6